The Problem with Perfectionism and How to Move Away From It

The need to be perfect, perfectionism, can be a real rencontre for people, impacting personal happiness and unstipulated well-being. Perfectionistic policies can moreover negatively impact relationships. The problem is that there is often a real goody to having your act together, stuff extremely detail oriented and seemingly worldly-wise to do it all. And you may get a lot of positive feedback from those virtually you that reinforces this behavior. The reward system can be plentiful in this way. However the long term consequences of constantly trying to live up to such a upper bar can be significant not only your emotional health but your closest relationships.

The problem with perfectionism is it’s a set up.

Human beings are not created to do anything perfectly. Human beings make mistakes. So at some point the perfectionist will do the same and likely endure a lot of suffering as a result. The momentum to be perfect can be intense; upper stress levels, uneasiness or fear of NOT doing things perfectly and exhaustion. It’s a set up considering it’s not only unsustainable but can have remoter consequences:

• Impact on your own happiness. Perhaps you weaponize your momentum to be perfect versus yourself.
• Impact on your relationships. Maybe those closest are often not experiencing you as emotionally available as you fixate on your task of the moment.

Loneliness can be a byproduct of perfectionism, having a rigid idea of how things should be done…and only you know what that is. Getting help and support from others can be challenging for the perfectionist. And you may turn them off from helping.

The are often roots to perfectionism.

Take the time to squint at your past to see if there are clues as to why you have taken on this trait. Is it possible you took on perfectionism as a coping strategy during a time you felt out of control? There are a number of good reasons to explain how people lean in to this kind of policies including:

• Chaos in the home; substance abuse, upper mismatch relationships, etc
• High expectations by parents
• Perfectionism was modeled by a parent

How to uncork to steer towards a increasingly well-turned perspective.

The first step towards shifting yonder from perfectionism is noticing when it comes up for you in the first place. The act of “noticing” is really the first step in any kind of effort to transpiration patterns of behavior. Much of the time, it’s will-less and out awareness. Notice how many times of day you are unprotected in perfectionistic thinking.

Another important speciality to making real transpiration is to understand the roots of your perfectionism. There is likely a valid reason why it served you well at one point, or was a coping mechanism of some kind. If you aren’t well-spoken on this part, a therapist with a focus on family of origin work can help.

As you start to try to change, you will likely encounter your inner critic who will push when on the idea that you don’t need to do this. Identify helpful self-talk to unwind you out of such rigid thinking. “What’s the worst thing that can happen if…” Practice self-compassion as you do this work. Again, a therapist may be towardly to help you navigate through and out to the other side.

Making any transpiration in how you function should unchangingly be seen as a work in progress. It can take time to unwind old patterns and with perfectionism, you may need a number of experiments in which you learn that “good enough” is unquestionably ok.