If You’re Still Figuring Out Boundaries, Self-Care, *Life*, Welcome to the Club

You are normal if you are still figuring out:

• Your limits.
• What self-care is and looks like for you and prioritising it.
• What does and doesn’t work for you.
• Your needs and how to meet and communicate them.
• How to be self-compassionate and self-forgiving.
• What you are feeling and what this communicates well-nigh your inner state, needs or your surroundings.
• Who you really are and how to be increasingly honest.
• What healthy and unhealthy relationships squint like.
• Who the safe people are in your life.
• How to speak up instead of lamister confrontation and criticism.
• The impact of past events on your identity and habits of thinking and behaviour.
• What you want to be when you grow up.
• How to work without urgent out or exploiting yourself.
• How to make decisions.
• Your core values.
• What people pleasing, perfectionism, overgiving, overthinking and/or over-responsibility squint like in your life and how to cut back.
• How to say no.
• This healthy boundaries malarkey.

This is a really good time to remember that the overwhelming majority of us were not urgently and healthily taught how to do any of the above. There’s moreover our internalised negative messaging well-nigh honesty, stuff ourselves, saying no, having boundaries, getting things wrong, prioritising ourselves, and the list goes on.

We live in a world that socialised us to be compliant and to wilt disassociated from our needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions.

We moreover live in a very capitalistic society and culture that values exploitation of the self by behaving like machines at work and seeing material goods and ticking society’s boxes as ‘success’. Given that we’ve grown up in a society that has only recently given thought to emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being–true health–it’s no surprise that we’re all still figuring out how to be.

It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of criticising yourself for not stuff remoter on than you are right now. You might believe there’s something wrong with you for not knowing largest or knowing everything. You probably think that you’re supposed to do these perfectly or unzip a unrepealable level.

Nope, you’re entirely normal if you’re still figuring yourself out. Hate to unravel it to you, you will unchangingly be in some way, shape or form. Not necessarily intensely, but life will unchangingly undeniability on you to try and show up as yourself. And that will evolve over time. Plane the people you think have it all figured out are figuring themselves out. It’s tabbed living. Cut yourself some slack.

If you urgently remember that you’re normal, you will realise just how much you have overcome and requite yourself some grace. Well washed-up for plane trying to icon this stuff out in the first place! Not everyone wants to come out of the visionless and unravel from the herd.

The Joy of Saying No (Harper Horizon/HarperCollins) comes out in January 2023 and will be misogynist in all good bookstores.

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